Divorce is a way of breaking a marital relationship between a husband and wife through separation. It can be either a legal divorce or an agreement to separate. It is a very traumatizing situation that no one wishes to talk about. Just as the way a loved one passes on, it leaves hearts grieving and hurting, divorce takes the same course.
When a divorce takes place, and there is no turning back, it is high time that separated couples learn how to live as singles, heal the wounds and adjust to the new ways of living. After going through the process, there are mixed feelings once the divorce is final, and divorcees may encounter challenges. The bottom line is that one has to continue living and make life shine again, and one of the best ways to start fresh is by changing your name legally.
The name change process can vary from state to state, but if you live in California, the process is quite simple. All you have to do is file a petition for name change, give name change notice, get the certified copy of your court order, and change your ID and records.
1. Let Go The Past
Truth is said that bitterness takes priority after divorce. However, there is a need to ask yourself from deep within; of what help does the pain and bitterness help in growing my future life. If care is not taken, bitterness will stop you from moving forward, and the best option is to purpose to let go and live a positive life. Look at the future opportunities around and embark on what brings joy to your life. Thinking all over again will not be the solution but release off those painful emotions and let life continue.
2. Give Yourself Time To Grief And Allow The Healing Process To Take Place
Once a decision has been made about divorce by the court, one tends to be extremely busy with taking care of finances, moving out to a new home, knowing how to handle life without a family and children, allow yourself to grief and release that pain even as you plan for the new life. As you let go off your past, emotions do not go in a day.
If you find that crying in front of your parents for a day will heal, then pay a visit to them, cry out loud, get comfort from them and allow your heart to heal. Crying out your pains to your loved ones is a therapy that cannot be ignored.
3. Accept The Reality And Let Things Take Course
If one is used in a long term relationship, you will find yourself missing the other person, and you may find that you are not doing things right just because most of the times the wife was there to do it for you. If you wrong today, it’s a learning curve, tomorrow will be better, and as time goes, you will perfect in whatever duty that was a challenge to you.
4. Change Your Wardrobe
A wardrobe is worth reflecting on how you can change. It can help erase sweet or bitter memories with your Ex. For instance, if there is a dress that you treasured to wear when going out for a date, it’s better to sell it off as it will keep reminding you of good memories that are past gone and now history to you.
This can quickly revive the wounds that had healed to some extent. As such, think about buying new clothes which are neutral and have no memory to remind you about. Selling your clothes can be an option of getting capital to make your wardrobe new once again. There are sites where you can visit and plan to exchange your clothes with others, and this will only make you better and happier.
5. Change Your Driving Licenses Name
Most often ladies change their surnames to the name of the husband. After divorce, this can be traumatizing because it will keep reminding you of your ex. To ensure that the memories fade, change the driving license back to your parents’ name, and this will be an excellent remedy to a new phase of life.
6. Lighten Up Your Life
Once you have gone through the divorce process, there is no option of turning back, and the best thing is to be happy for who you are. This will enable you to embrace the new responsibilities that have been set ahead of you and have the strength to conquer them.
Since yesterday is gone learn to live in today’s life. If you have the custody of your children, make time with them, show them laugh, hug and smile at them and block any vacuum of love that could be forming gradually. Whenever stress rings in your mind, get that treasured person in your life, hug them and let peace reign no matter what, decide to take a refreshing outing on a weekend and let your heart out for fun. This will reduce stress and have a peaceful week ahead.
7. Teach Your Heart To Be True To Yourself
Many times we tend to please others while we leave our hearts in pain. Life after divorce sometimes calls for compromise of your integrity without knowing. Remember that at this time you are the alone in making critical decisions and you have to make up your mind and say yes to what you find is right, or say no to what your conscience says it’s a no.
Patience is a virtue and comes with a heart and awaiting mind. Practice patience; if your heart tells you to wait, then wait. For instance, you should not be in a hurry to date again. It will only arouse those painful moments should your new partner hurt you in a way similar to the past life. Integrity at this point takes priority and making such decisions, and you got to be true to yourself.
8. Take Charge Of Your Finances
In your past life, it is possible that your spouse was catering for all the family needs, but after divorce, you will have a self-responsibility on handling finances. Enroll in a financial class and understand financial freedom in a better way. Research from family and friends on how to go about finances and put into best practice what works for you. Plan for your children’s education and have an investment plan for them, and you will find life very easy such that regret will not come your way.
9. Maintain A Diary
We all went through life in high school where we had a calendar of events, to date I can narrate of my story in school just like it happened yesterday. I still have my diary intact. Sometimes you cry, other times you laugh when you recall these mixed feelings.
The same case applies to a divorcee. You can never be happy throughout, Forcing happiness is not possible and as such, there is need to put up a diary and put down those moments you feel so glad, the moment you feel down and put down the remedies you think they can work for you and recover your joy. This is a journey to your healing and as time goes, you will find yourself making fun of those sad moments that you experienced in the past.
10. Attend Counseling Sessions
At times accepting life after divorce may not be easy as said. Accept that you need to love again by seeking professional help from counselors, who will give therapy and advice. They will walk with you through the journey of singlehood until you can stand on your own once again.
11. Open A Personal Bank Account
Since you need to start a private life in terms of finances, close any joint account you had with your spouse and keep off from any further financial conversations. Change the point of reference when it comes to your salary payments and keeps your financial life independent. This will also enable you to build your credit rating that will help you invest through bank financing in the near future. Let your finances know that you can make it on your own and fight for independence.
Life is about loving yourself; you may have gone through an abusive relationship such that you never had an option to love yourself. It would be a perfect time to take charge and give it all to yourself. If traveling for a month to a new destination is what you longed for in life, what matters most is making your joy complete and ensuring that your responsibilities are intact. Travel, have fun, enjoy and remain positive to see to it that your dreams come true.
The other most critical thing is to be a role model that people will look at your life and desire your character. Build a name within yourself and the community, and this alone will earn you respect and people will forget that you are a divorcee.
When your mind is filled with grief and ask yourself “My divorce is Final, now what?” The answer lies within yourself, take a deep breath, rise and see the positive side of life. Forget about your painful emotions and all will be well.
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