Wedding expenses are not a joke and it’s not a glamorous topic either. Holding a bridal party, choosing bridal gowns, bridesmaid robes, and other relevant clothing, and picking out the flowers—all these seem to be a walk in a magic park, but they all come at a cost.
Like it or not, you will have to pull yourself down from above the clouds and face the reality—finances and budgeting. Setting a budget for your wedding is very crucial as it comes first before you can make any decisions.
Who Actually Pays For The Wedding Costs?
Traditionally, the side of the bride pays for the major expenses while the groom’s side is to cover extra costs, but times have changed. The couples now usually split the bill, and some don’t even ask their parents for financial help. However, you and your fiancé aren’t expected to shoulder the costs all on your own.
It does not hurt to ask both parents to lighten the financial load for as long as you do it right. In fact, in most weddings, parents and couples usually share the bill. It all depends on how you ask since money is arguably a sensitive topic.
So, how do you broach the topic properly in a way that works for all the people involved? Since this can really be a tricky topic, we give you ways how to do just that. If you are undecided about how you can approach one or both sets of parents, read on.
How To Ask Parents And In-Laws To Help Pay For The Wedding Expenses
Before you make any item purchases or reservations for the wedding, it’s highly recommended to set the budget first which you can stick to for all your subsequent decisions. Here are some tips for you and your fiancé:
Discuss It First With Your Partner
Before delving on into any matters, make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. After all, you both are already a “team” for the long haul. Make sure that the two of you agree that you will be asking one of your parents or both to help with the expenses and gauge if they can really contribute financially.
Then, discuss what you want to be included in your wedding so that you can make a rough estimate of how much you will be spending. Take into account the costs for the vendors, such as cake, flowers, party favors, satin robes for women, and wedding gifts, if you would like to host multiple events for a long weekend celebration, or if you want to offer special events such as a live band.
The more potential activities, reservations, and purchases you come up with, the higher the budget you will set, which you will be discussing with your parents later on. You and your fiancé should have the same expectations from the start before you involve your parents in the plan.
Investigate The Vendors’ Cost First
After finalizing your budget plan, act on it immediately. Look into how much vendors charge for their goods or services. For instance, search online for bridal gowns’ and groom attires’ prices, as well as bridesmaid robes and flower girl dresses. Buying in bundles, such as a bridesmaid robes set of 6, allows you to avail of discounts.
Cake, flowers, wedding planner fees, hotel or reception venue reservations, paperwork expenses, DJs, party favors, and more—these are just some of the wedding elements that you definitely have to figure out in terms of expenses. Look online or scour your place for vendors of these goods or services.
Make sure to reach their contact persons so you can have a specific quote for what you plan to purchase or reserve. Compare their prices and list down a rough draft of potential bills for each. It’s much better to come prepared than be clueless when your parents ask you some questions on the very day you approach them for this matter.
After all, it’s not their responsibility in the first place to pay for your wedding. It’s much better if you clear everything out right off the bat, which is a definite gesture of how much you respect their time.
Talk It Out Right After The Engagement
After finalizing your proposed budget plan, including the investigated costs, you can then approach your parents most preferably in person, not by phone. The best time to open this topic up is right after the engagement so that if they accept your request, they will have more time to prepare.
Prepare Topics On Which To Start
You don’t get to the topic straight away. Firstly, come up with topic ideas and how you can finally narrow down to your main goal. For instance, you can talk about some details of your wedding and the costs, such as making them review your budget plan. With this, they might offer to help. If they don’t say anything like it, ask them if they would like to provide financial assistance.
And while you have to groom the topic toward the main conversation, it’s not an excuse to beat around the bush so that you can avoid miscommunications and confusion. The example above can be a great way to lead the conversation to a major purpose.
Maintain An Open Mind
There will be two responses—they either agree with helping you with finances or not. If they fall into the latter, make sure to ask why, not force them to change their mind as they could have reasons on their own, such as being tight on budget for themselves. Remember that the responsibility for the wedding expenses is not theirs, and they aren’t really required to help.
When this happens, there are still many other ways they can help, such as planning matters or if they agree, some errands. What’s important is that you know where they stand. If they agree to your request for financial assistance, then you can move forward to finalizing the budget, if they give wedding money, or simply pledge for some aspects of the wedding.
Conclude And Keep Them In Touch
If your parents ask you where their money goes, you can ask them to help pay for a particular vendor to give them a clear idea of how their money fits into the budget. Or even if they don’t ask, you can still show them how you plan to spend their contribution.
Be sure to take into account their suggestions and keep them updated with your planning process. If they contribute financially, they have the right to give recommendations on some aspects and be informed about everything that can potentially impact the price.
When it comes to anything about the wedding, your and your partner’s decisions come first; next, the contributors to your ceremony. Whether they respond positively to your request or not, make sure to hold your parents with respect.
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