I know how stressful it is to put together a resume. As a matter of fact, that is one of the reasons I’ve been self-employed for over a decade. Screw that resume BS. It’s all such a bunch of crap. I guess I’m telling you how I really feel today. Seriously, I know from being in the position of looking at resumes to hire people that most of the time when it comes to a decent job, it’s all about who you know.
In the rare instances when someone in the Human Resources department actually looks at the random resumes that come in for a job, they glance at each one for a matter of seconds. Trust me, the misplaced semi-colon that you’ve been stressing about in the employment history section of your resume doesn’t even make the radar.
I remember the first real job (a.k.a. “not in a bar”) that I ever had was one where I had to know all kinds of software programs that I had never heard of before. I desperately needed the job, so I did what any self-respecting potential employee would do. I lied in the interview, and I got hired. I had that job for several years while I attended University. Thank goodness I knew people who could teach me what I needed to know quickly.
According to this post on reddit, some guy actually dropped off this resume below at a restaurant in hopes of getting hired. Hmm… It appears he emits a pleasant aroma and has cat-like reflexes. That’s good enough for me. I say hire him! Somebody… please. Dude, just don’t disappoint everyone and call in sick on Saturday night, okay?