I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the differences in the way men and women communicate. I’m the first to admit that as a woman, I know I say a lot of things that men probably find confusing. Okay, I admit it, I say stupid shit sometimes. It is almost like women have their own language, and many of the men I know spend years trying to learn how to understand that language.
I notice it most in Twitter direct messages. Some people don’t use their DM very much, but I have complete conversations in direct message, almost daily. If it’s with a man, sometimes some things gets lost in translation. If that man is from another country, well that even makes it more complex. You have to laugh about it really because it’s so classic when you think about it. After all, there have been entire television series and movies written about the communication differences between men and women. My favorite one is Sex and the City of course.
So what are the most popular things on the list of stupid shit women say that men don’t get? Hmm… I did some research online. I can’t stop laughing right now because I have said every single one of these things. God help any man that has ever been, is, or ever will be in my life. ROFL Enjoy!
A Sampling Of The Stupid Shit Women Say
1. “Nothing’s Wrong”
Translation: “Hell yeah something’s wrong, and I want you to care enough to drag it out of me.”
Oh my god, this is so classic on the list of stupid shit. I’ve said this at least a billion times in my lifetime. Guys, this article might be the holy grail for you because now that you know what those words really mean, you will know how to handle it when a girl says this. Beware, if it’s PMS that’s causing the “nothing’s wrong” you could be in for a long night. If you determine that’s the case, it might be best to retreat and just go to sleep. The words “nothing’s wrong” are often thrown out as the calm before the storm. Brace yourself. Sometimes the best thing you can do once that is said is just admit she is right and shut up.
2. “Do I look fat?”
Translation: “I’m feeling a little insecure at this moment, so regardless of what you really think, tell me I’m beautiful and look crazy skinny in this outfit.”
This is another classic girl question. Guys, trust me, never ever answer that question with what is really going through your head, which might be something like, “No, if you were fat, I wouldn’t be dating you” or “Hell yeah you look fat, what the hell have you been eating?” Instead, always look at her and give a compliment. It’s fast and easy!
3. “I’ll just have a salad.”
Translation: “I’m hungry as fuck and could eat two Big Macs right now, but I’m trying to be a lady.”
This must top the list of stupid shit women say. I think Jenni over at guyism nailed this one when she said, “She might just order a salad but that doesn’t mean she’s not craving a blue cheese bacon wrapped double cheeseburger with a side of onion rings smothered in full-fat ketchup. It’s more like she doesn’t want you to think she’s disgusting for eating solid foods. But eating salad when she really craves more will only lead her to eye-fuck your dinner until you offer her a bite.”
Yep, that pretty much sums it up. If your girl says this, just take her somewhere for dinner that doesn’t serve salad. Problem solved.
4. “I will get ready quickly. It will only take a minute.”
Translation: “Go take a nap. I’ll wake you up when I’m ready to go.”
I don’t know what our problem is, but women can take freaking forever to do anything. You know this guys. Don’t get upset, just always have a plan B. For example, you could claim you need medical attention just so you can get out of the house. Or, if that doesn’t work, maybe you could solve the issue of global warming. Either way, just relax, you are gonna be there a while.
5. “Do I annoy you?”
Translation: “I know I annoy you, but smile and be happy anyway, will ya?”
I think xxoozero at Shout Wire put it best when he said, “Women annoy men. That is what they do. It’s like a law of nature of some crap. Everywhere you have a woman and a man who are not having sex, the man is somewhat annoyed.” Bottom line ladies, let’s not ask this question, okay? It’s a weak insecure question that if we have to ask, we already know the answer. It’s just plain stupid shit. #enuffsaid
6. “It’s not you, I’ve just been really busy lately.”
Translation: “You suck. Leave me alone. I’m trying to be nice to you.”
I’m not trying to be harsh here, but take it from me, if we think a guy is worth it, we’ll do whatever we have to do to make time for him. Ladies, you know that is true, right? So the next time a girl tells you this, just know, she’s trying to let you down easy.
7. “It’s totally cool with me if you hang out with your ex!”
Translation: “If she touches you, I will pluck her eyeballs out one at a time and make her eat them.”
Look guys, if you aren’t with a girl, there is no reason to be hanging out with her unless it’s at a party or a club where there are a lot of people. C’mon, if you are in a relationship, do it right. This is the most obvious one on this list of stupid shit.
8. “That looks cute” “You look cute” or anything “looks cute.”
Translation: “I like that!”
Women don’t mean anything derogatory when they call something or someone cute. Most men, on the other hand, hate cute. They don’t understand what it means. They get very confused when we use that word, and most of all, they don’t want to be it. Girls, I know what you mean when you call something “cute.” However, if we are trying to improve the relationship with our men, maybe we should not say that word when it refers to him.
To learn more about the stupid shit women say that men don’t get, click through to this great article on Zoo Patrol. If you have any more to add to this list, please leave them in a comment below!